Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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