Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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