Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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