i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize