Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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