So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
