you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
