That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.