Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.