i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.