I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.