dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
