yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All the doctor said was why
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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