This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
