i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
