Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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