Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
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