I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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