it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
