I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize