So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
