i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
