someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
