I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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