I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
