I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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