R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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