At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
