I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
