seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
