hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
