I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
