Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
