i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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