My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
