you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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