Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
