i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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