she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
