I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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