got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
