did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
