I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
