My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
