Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
