I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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