i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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