i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
