at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
