last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
