you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Even my vagina gasped.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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