do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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