John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
