Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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