My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
