She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
