i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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