I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
