I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sober January is a disaster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
