i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
