yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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