just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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