At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
