Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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