She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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