Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
