She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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