i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
